WAH-HOO!!!!!!

I AM FINISHED!!!

Today was my last day of treatment. They took blood one last time (after two attempts, meaning two bruises - guess I'll be looking for a long-sleeved dress for Jessi's wedding!), scheduled a follow-up appointment for one month, and sent me on my way.

I am SO HAPPY!

So about that waiting area.

I mentioned in one of my prior posts about the waiting area and had noted that I would touch on it later. So, something happened at one of my treatment visits this week that reminded me to get back to it.

When you go to the Cancer Treatment Center, you bypass the "public" waiting area/lobby and go to an area that is accessible - conceivably - only to other cancer patients and, presumably, hospital staff. There are a couple of small waiting rooms built into alcoves with small lockers outside of them where you can change into one of the ever-lovely hospital gowns that are provided and then store your stuff. Then you sit in a small waiting area - 4 chairs, some magazines, a bulletin board for announcements, a jigsaw puzzle that people work on when waiting. It's fairly non-descript. And even though the waiting area is "private" in terms of being available only to those in treatment, it's still fairly "public" in that you're sitting there in a thin hospital gown with God-knows-who from the hospital traipsing by.

So I arrived one day this week and (luckily) to get to the changing rooms/lockers I have to walk past the radiation treatment room. Well, there must have been 15-20 people all crowded into the long hallway that enters into the room. What the heck??? Nevertheless, I proceeded to change into my gown, but then I hovered in the little alcove of one of the changing rooms until I knew the coast was clear. Who the heck were all these people, anyhow?

Eventually, one of the radiology techs walked by and noticed me lurking in the alcove so I asked her what was going on. In the treatment room hallway there is a mural on the wall, and that morning the Center had put on a breakfast for all of the various artists who had worked on it. Evidently, it was done in stages by many different people, and this was their chance to see the entire finished work of art and to be recognized for their contributions. All very nice, indeed. Unless YOU are the one sitting there dressed in next to nothing. I wasn't happy.

Now, the fact that all these people milling about was setting my treatment time behind didn't faze me in the least. I had plenty of time and was in no rush. But the thought of having even MORE strangers seeing me sitting around in that stupid hospital gown? You must be joking. It just so happens that the day this happened fell on a Wednesday, which is also the day when everyone sees the radiologist. They were kind enough to put me in an exam room so that I didn't have to hide in the alcove any longer and I explained to the nurse that it was demeaning enough to have to sit there in a thin robe with people gallivanting by, let alone with an additional non-hospital-related 15-20 people seeing me as well. Everyone was very sympathetic to my complaint and the doctor even apologized saying that, while she knew they were having the breakfast out in the public lobby, she had no idea they would all be milling about in the hallways of the treatment area.

I feel I need to clarify a ccouple of things here. First, when I change into the gown I'm only undressing from the waist up. Secondly, those of you who know me at ALL know that I am in no way a prude or even really very modest. My little one and I are two peas on a pod - we'd rather be "nekky" than have clothes on at all. Nevertheless, barely covered from the waste up is still barely covered, period, and getting "nekky" is done on OUR terms and in the privacy of our own home. Not sitting in a semi-private area of a very public hospital. Thanks, but no thanks.

No matter. Monday is my last day there and I couldn't be more thrilled about it. Woohoo!!!

One week to go!!!

Today is my last day of full-area treatments. Starting tomorrow I will have five "boost" treatments, as they call them, which will concentrate only on the specific area where the cancer was found. So my last treatment will officially be one week from today. Dale and I are going to celebrate by going to my last treatment, going out to breakfast, and then getting all our Christmas shopping done. Heh!

Overall the entire experience has been pretty OK. I am a bit relieved to be moving on to the boost treatments as the side effects from treating the entire breast are just now starting to kick in. I mean, I'm sure I could have sucked it up and handled another week, but I'm happy not to have to do that. After today the areas that are the most sensitive will be left alone and will start to heal. Hooray for that.

Not that the side effects have been all that bad. I definitely have not been tired (except for that first week or so of walking - now THAT kicked my ass!) The only real problems I've had have been similar to a sunburn - itching, soreness (but not the same kind of sore that you get with a sunburn - it's kind of difficult to describe), and peeling.

Lord, I am so glad that this is almost over. Can't wait to kick up my heels at Jessica's wedding on 12/27!

Half way!

I'm at the half way point of my radiation treatments as of today. Woohoo! Once we get back from the long Thanksgiving week-end, I'll have just a little over two weeks to go.

I'm starting to get a little sore, or at least I had been for the last couple of days. Things are MUCH better today, for some reason. I'm not sure if the soreness was from the radiation treatments or the nerve endings that had been disturbed during surgery being re-stimulated and now they're calming down again. Either way, it was only a slight annoyance and things feel much better tonight. I'm grateful for that. If I can hold out on any soreness or redness until the middle of next week then I'll get a four-day break over Thanksgiving, which will help.

Making progress!

The depths of my cold, black heart.

So I'm hanging out in the waiting area of the radiation center to get my treatment the other day (more on that later) and start reading this article hanging on the wall about this dude who had fought cancer for some 14 years or something, but who lived to tell the tale I'm happy to say. The article was written in this man's voice and he discussed how, while getting a treatment one day he saw a woman come in on her last day of treatment with a huge bouquet of flowers for the staff. He went on to say how wonderful all his care-givers were over the years and he just felt that, when his last day arrived, that he wanted to do something really special for them because they weren't just doing their jobs, they were like angels in his life. Flowers just didn't seem adequate and so he ended up making some great donation to the cancer center (though the article didn't really say what that was.)

So here is where I discovered the depths of my cold, black heart. Because the entire time I'm reading this story, beside thinking how happy I was for this man that he had survived, the only other thing I could think about was what MY last day would be like. And, frankly, all I've ever thought would happen would be that I would run in for my last treatment, meet with the doctor (I'm assuming, to get the 4-1-1 on follow-up steps) and then run out of there with a hearty "No offense, but I hope I never see you people again! See ya!"

Now, maybe if I had to struggle for my life for as many years as this guy did I might feel differently. But for now? My heart. It is cold and black.

After 7 days....

....the treatments are going OK, but the walking is kicking my butt!!! Holy heck. 5 miles a day for 5 days a week is killin' me. I have to go to a client site tomorrow and so will have to skip a day, and I'm not that upset about it.

I walked 5 miles every day last week, skipped Saturday, then did 3 miles with the dogs on Sunday. 5 miles again this past Monday, then 3 miles both yesterday and today. I'd better be losing weight, y'all, or I'm gonna be cranky. Heh.

I don't think it helps that I'm coming down with something - I have a sore, scratchy throat - a bug I think I got from #1 son, who had something last week. Going to bed early and naps have been the norm for me lately, and I don't generally require that much sleep. I guess this is my new way of life for at least the next five weeks, anyway.

Halle-freakin-lujah!!!!

I had an actual treatment today. WOOHOO!!!!

OK, so for all the bitching and moaning I did about the treatment time, I think this 9:30 time slot is going to work out for me after-all. I am able to get the kids on the bus, take the dogs for a 2-mile walk around the neighborhood, then make the 3-mile round trip walk to and from the hospital for my treatment. 5 miles before 10:30 in the morning, and well over my 10,000 step goal for each day. Bonus!!!

The treatment itself was fast and easy. I was back in my clothes and walking out the door already at 9:44 a.m. They give me two, short 20-second bursts of radiation. It takes longer for them to align me on the table than to do the actual treatment itself.

I'm just happy I have finally started. I feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel now. It will all be behind my by the end of the year. Boy am I going to cut loose at Jessi's wedding! Ha!

Oh. My. God.

My hospital sucks at customer service. I mean, really sucks.

I went for my first radiation treatment today and, oh, guess what? I DIDN'T GET ONE. Turns out that the first day is for x-rays only. Would it have killed them to tell me that?

Honest to God. These people need a serious lesson in customer service, which I was pretty happy to share with them this morning. Happily I was nicer about it than I really felt and they were open and receptive to the feedback, so there's that.

Still. They're just pitiful.

It's "Cranky Mom" Night

Beware the wrath of a cranky mom. My boys, who aren't listening, don't know what's about to hit 'em. Life lesson #572.

On another note...........had my radiation treatment planning session today and everything went OK. I was not able to get the preferred treatment time that I wanted (8:30 a.m.) which everyone had led me to believe would not be a problem - hence the crankiness. (I mean, don't say it if it isn't true. Is that concept really all that difficult? It's just one of my many pet peeves about the medical community....but I digress.) So I'm stuck with a 9:30 a.m. time slot for at least the first two weeks, after which the 8:30 slot will be opening up at the end of another person's treatment session. OK. I'll deal.

As for the treatments themselves, I won't be starting with them until NEXT Monday now. I didn't realize - and wasn't told - that they would need that week to prepare everything before I could actually start treatments. Again - why don't they just SAY SO?????? (Yes, I'm cranky about that too.)

The rest of the planning session was fairly straightforward. They showed me an 8-minute video on what to expect during treatments, which I found to be fairly informative. Then they took me back to get the IV that I would need for the contrast dye for a CAT Scan. That was pretty much the suckiest part of the day. I must have the smallest veins in the world for an adult person and the poor girl had a really difficult time. I think I felt worse for her than I did for myself - that must be the most nerve-wracking thing. (Then again there have been so many other times when the technician and/or nurse has had no problems at all, so I think part of it is me, and part of it is them.) After the IV was in they used a "simulator" to set up my alignments. I now have four permanent little tattoo dots which will help them during the treatment process, which I find to be quite amusing, don't ask me why. Afteward it was on to the CAT scan, which took only about 5 minutes, then back to the treatment center to schedule my time and off I went.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezey. Heh. I'll keep you posted on the treatments themselves. Off to scare my kids. Whee!!!

Appointment with Radiation Oncologist

I had my consultation with the radiation oncologist on Friday. First of all, she is extremely nice. We bonded over having kids roughly the same age and our shared disdain for being expected to do MEAP prep with our kids. Not to mention she seemed extremely competent, too. Plus, she had a nice, good-looking intern working with her and it's always a bonus to go to a doctor's appointment and get some nice eye candy. Heh.

I asked her about the latest studies that indicate that 3 weeks of a slightly higher dosage of radiation are just as effective as the standard 6 week course of treatment that they are recommending. Her position is that there is more than 30 years of research to back up the effectiveness of the 6-week treatments, whereas there are only 10 years behind the 3-week treatments. She is recommending we stick with the 6-week course of treatment - why take our chances on regretting something, say, 15 years from now. I'm all on board with that - go with the thing that you know works!

We also discussed the rumor I had heard from a friend who went through this 8 years ago that I would not be able to have reconstruction surgery (if needed) following the radiation. She said that simply was not true. So that was also good to know (and I called my friend to tell her that, too!)

So the next step is to go in for my first "set up" appointment on October 20th. They'll get me "aligned" and tattooed (yes, I said tattooed with little "alignment marks" - barely imperceptible dots, I am told.) I'll also have a CAT scan (standard operating procedure) and will be able to schedule all of my treatment dates on that first day. We'll be cutting it close, but from my calculations I should be able to get everything in by the end of the year, no problem. My plan is to try to schedule the appointments for 8:30 each morning. That way, I'll be able to get the kids on the bus at around 7:50 and then walk to the hospital for my treatment. I did a "test walk" this week-end and it takes about 25-30 minutes to get there. So I'll be able to get all my treatments AND get my exercise in for the day as well. If only I could take the dogs with me and leave them outside the hospital someplace - then I would REALLY be multi-tasking. Obviously that isn't going to happen though. Oh well. Can't have everything, I suppose!

Post-surgical appointment with oncologist.

Had my appointment with the oncologist today. As I suspected it was a bit of a waste of my time. We didn't review anything that couldn't have been handled over the phone. I swear, God is trying to teach me patience throughout this. I'm failing miserably, just so you know.

The next step (which I already knew!) is to start radiation. The oncologist's office was to contact the radiation department at the hospital to have them contact me and I wasn't really holding my breath.............and then, what do ya know??? I got the phone call from them already this afternoon. Wonders never cease. My first consultation is set for this coming Friday, and they already noted on the phone that they are aware that I would like to have this wrapped up by the end of the year. So yay for that.

The only question that remains up in the air is whether or not they will be recommending that I take the drug tamoxifen to help prevent future recurrences. Dr. E. mentioned that studies on whether or not tamoxifen is effective on hormone-receptor-negative cancers (like mine) are incomplete. As it stands right now, they wouldn't recommend it, but that may change by January when I go back to see him again. We'll see.

More to follow after my appointment on Friday!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

So that means it's time for my annual "PSA". In the past I have sent this out to only my closest friends. For obvious reasons I now feel I should be including as many of my friends as possible.

My personal screening recommendations are:

If you are 35 or older and have not already done so, please have a baseline mammogram done. If you have a family history of breast cancer, please talk to your physician about having a baseline done at any age.

If you are over 40, please have an annual screening mammography.

For "official" screening recommendations, please visit the following websites:

www.cancer.org
www.cancer.gov
www.breastcancer.org
www.komen.org

Early detection saves lives. It saved mine; it saved my sister's. If you are at all nervous about having your first mammogram I will gladly go with you and hold your hand the whole way.

Please join me in protecting other women and finding a cure by sharing this information with your sisters, mothers, wives and friends.

Love to you all.

M.

Surgical Follow-up

Had a follow-up appointment today with the surgeon. Well, not actually with the surgeon, but with his PA instead - evidently he's all done with me. I didn't take it personally, since it means I am also all done with HIM!

I put in a call to the oncologist's office to find out how I go about moving on to the radiation treatments. I'm hoping to hear back from them tomorrow, but I won't be one bit surprised if it's not until next week. No matter. I'm going out of town on business all next week and can't do anything until I get back anyhow.

Yay! One step closer.

I AM OFFICIALLY CANCER-FREE!!!

The surgeon's office just called to tell me that the margins around my latest excision were CLEAR!!!

I am technically CANCER-FREE at this point! Yay!

The surgeon's office is going to fax the pathology report over to the oncologist. Once I am healed from this last surgery I will be able to start the radiation treatments, hopefully by the week of October 6th. That should leave plenty of time to get all the radiation treatments in before the end of the year (and before my co-pays kick in again on our insurance! Woot!)

I am so happy right now I could just spit. But that would be gross. So I won't.

Many thanks to all of you who have been so supportive and have helped with all your good thoughts and prayers. I hope you know how much I've appreciated it all.

Surgery #2 Complete

The deed is done and all went well. Arrived at hospital at 6:00 a.m. and was taken back to prep pretty much immediately. Just like last time, things went very smoothly and everything was a breeze. Even breezier in fact, because the two things that sucked so much last time (the waiting and getting the IV) didn't come into play this time. The surgery started right on time at 7:30, and the nurse I had this time gave me lidocaine to numb my hand before putting the IV in. That, of course, makes me even more pissed off about the last time. The nurse I had this time told me that almost every nurse uses the lidocaine or a numbing spray, but there are "one or two" who refuse to use it. Lucky me, I got one of those nurse nazis the last time. This time - easy!!! I was home by 10:30 and spent the rest of the day unsuccessfully trying to get more sleep, but at least getting lots of good rest.

Recovery is going well again. I'm a little bit more sore this time, I think because they used the same incision site, perhaps. But I feel great. I am taking it MUCH easier this time around and trying not to overdo it too much like I did the last time. I have colleagues handling all my works stuff for the remaining two days this week - I'm not even logging into my work e-mail account (very difficult for me, I want you to know!) And I had Dale dig out my "Lord of The Rings" movies so I can just lay around all day to day and watch some of them.

(As a funny aside, telling my buddy Steve about that led to this text conversation:

Me: I'm going to have Dale find my LOTR movies for me tonight. That will keep me occupied for tomorrow.
Steve: it's hard to watch 9 hrs of lotr back to back....argh. you should hae netflixed all the movies i've been bugging u to see
Me: Yeah 9 hours of Viggo Mortenson and Orlando Bloom will be really tough on me I'm sure.)

Heh.

The boys did VERY well on their school-night sleepover with our friends. I'm told they were very well-behaved and went to bed easily and on-time. I'm very proud of them.

Nothing else to report. The surgeon says he should have the final pathology report in around 3 days. "Three days" = "two weeks" in the medical world, I have come to find out. But with any luck at all I may be able to get it when I have my follow-up appointment with the surgeon next week. But I'm not holding my breath.

Off to get the boys to the bus stop, then I'm hittin' the couch!

SU2C

www.standuptocancer.org

I worried over nothing.

After my long-winded post fretting about how - or even whether - to tell R. what was going on, I decided to take advantage of his "captive audience" status during a trip home from Ohio to visit Grandma. P. was sleeping and R.'s DS had (mercifully) run out of battery, so I took the opportunity to let him know what was going on. I'll spare you the details but I was very clear about telling him that mommy is NOT sick and will be alright. The end result? Mostly he was just excited about the prospect of having a sleepover at a friend's house the night before my next surgery! I should have known. So all that worry was for nothing, I'm happy to say.

On another kid-related note - today was the first day of school!!! Yay!!!!

Hey, y'all.

So I decided to open up my blog and make it public. I mean, who the hell is going to care about my measly little blog anyhow except those people who care about me? If I find it causes a problem, I'll make it private again, but in the mean time you should be able to find a service (like Boglines) that will send update notices to you when I update the blog, or just use the new link on the left side of the page.

And speaking of updates..........here's the latest poop. My second surgery is scheduled for Thursday, September 18th. I could have gotten in much sooner, but I specifically wanted to wait until the kids were back in school which will just make it much easier on me. And I also specifically asked for a Thursday, so that I would be able to rest all day Thursday and Friday while the kids are in school, and through the week-end. The surgery won't be as long this time so I am hoping that the anesthesia won't take as long to get out of my system and that by Monday I'll be able to do things like tie my shoes without needing a 3-hour nap afterward! The surgery is scheduled for 7:30 a.m. (ugh!) so the kids will be spending the night with friends on Wednesday night who can get them on the bus and off to school for us. (Thank you, friends!!!) And my friend who is the nurse-anesthetist is going to sign up to be there again for the surgery, so Yay! for that, too.

And speaking of the kids..........feel free to weigh in with your opinions on something. I'm reconsidering telling Boy #1 what is going on. (Sorry, the blog is public now - don't necessarily want to use their names.) I wasn't going to say anything at all to either of the kids, but the more I think about it, the more I think that R. could certainly handle this. My sister thinks I should be prepared with a book or pamphlet or something that I can use as "back up" in case he has questions or doesn't believe that I'll be alright in the end, but I'm having trouble finding something age-appropriate that won't scare the crap out of him. KidsHealth.org has a page about Breast Cancer, but it talks about being "sick" and how "many times, especially if a lump is caught early, women with breast cancer go on to live full, healthy lives after treatment." Now, first of all I'm not "sick", plus he's smart enough to infer what the opposite of that second statement would be and I just don't want him to think about it that way. (I'm going to die from something, but it ain't gonna be this, and I don't want to scare him.) I dunno; feel free to share your thoughts. And if any of you have a resource for me that's not scary let me know. (Hmm......maybe I'll write my own children's book about it.)

Otherwise, things are going well. The kids are gearing up to go back to school (and they're excited about it too - little nerds!), soccer practices have started, and I am SO not ready to be the "scheduling queen" again but someone's gotta do it!

Off to start filling out school calendars, already..........

Well, scratch Bloglines.

Dale and I tried subscribing to the blog via Bloglines and it didn't work. I've come to find out that it is because I have it marked as a "private" blog - only invited members can view it.

You'll only be able to subscribe if I make it a public blog. I'm debating about that.

So how useful is a blog, really, if you can't get an automatic update and have to remember to keep searching for it and checking in on it? Comments? Suggestions? Ideas? I'm open to them all.

Maybe CaringBridge was a better idea. We'll research that this week-end.

Later, taters.

Bloglines

Bloglines is a free service that makes it easy to keep up with your favorite blogs and newsfeeds. (And I'm quite confident that MINE is your favorite.)

www.bloglines.com

I haven't tried it yet, so let me know if it works. You should be able to subscribe to my blog and get a notification when it's been updated.

Ciao!

Well, crap.

Not whining. Really I'm not. But...........

I spoke to the oncologist today. There is one small area on the pathology report where the margin was not clear. So that means back to surgery for me. The oncologist conferred with both the surgeon and the radiation oncologist and they all agreed that, while the area is quite small, it would be best to get it all out before moving on to radiation. They're the experts, so I'm not going to argue.

Surgery will not happen for probably another three weeks, hopefully after the kids are back in school. At least I know what to expect now and it was pretty much a breeze last time.

Dinner's ready. Gotta run!

Welcome!

Hey, friends and family. Welcome to my new blog which, from here on out, will be known as "The No Whine Zone".

I’ll be using this blog as my “Survival Journal” so that I can keep you all updated with what’s going on since my DCIS diagnosis. As you are all aware, I'm gettin' up there. So, what with everything that's been going on with me lately, I can't for the life of me remember whom I've updated and whom I haven’t, who knows what and who doesn’t, or even sometimes who the heck even wants to know. Hell, I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast most days so I’m sure you can imagine my dilemma.

So here we are. Let’s start with the latest news which basically is that there is no news. Heh. I saw the surgeon for follow-up last Monday (August 4^th) and he said the incision was healing nicely and that everything looked good. He had the pathology report and does not think that any additional surgery will be necessary, but the oncologist (Dr. Eisenberg) will likely be making the final call on that after possibly taking my case back to the tumor board. (And, seriously........can't they come up with a better name for it than the "tumor board"? Sheesh!!!) I called the oncologist's office for follow-up to find out the next steps but they hadn't received the pathology report yet. They are going to get it and then Dr. Eisenberg will call me. Personally, I don't see any point in having an appointment with him until they know what they want to do and the nurse tended to agree. So, I'm still waiting for the final "all clear", but I don't doubt that I'll get it. In the mean time I have to have a chest x-ray and bone scan done this coming Friday (originally scheduled for last week but postponed due to “equipment issues”) – both procedures are standard operating procedure according to both the oncology nurse and my sister. Woohoo.

For now, I am still restricted from lifting more than 20 lbs. until two weeks after surgery (which is tomorrow. Yay!) I have started exercising lightly in a regular sports bra; anything more strenuous and I have to wear the special bra they gave me after surgery. No golf, though, until 3 weeks after surgery. (The unkindest cut of all!) The surgeon said I could remove the steri-strips myself after 2 weeks if they haven't come off on their own and I broke down and did that today – they were driving me nuts! And up until this past Thursday I was still tiring easily, but for some reason that just seems to have magically gone away. I even went to work at a client site that day and I felt pretty darned good. I'm sure that was just an after-effect of the anesthesia and other good drugs that Marna gave me (thanks, Marna!) and it all just had to get out of my system.

So that's the poop for now! I have no idea when the oncologist will call me and, in fact, have very little faith that they actually will. So I figured I would just call them once a week and pester them until they realize I still exist and, until then, I'm not letting this interfere with my normal routine too darn much.

Stay tuned...............